After ardently sitting meditation retreat after retreat for several years and then realizing this was my way of escaping my non-retreat life, I decided to take a break. In January 2010 I committed to not sit another retreat until the calling came from a place of wanting to connect more deeply, as opposed to a place of wanting to avoid connection all together.
This December 2011 I was finally ready, but instead of a traditional meditation retreat, I chose a self-retreat based on Metta, or Loving-Kindness. Despite “love” being part of the English translation of this Pali word, it is very different from the emotional train-wreck found Danielle Steel novels filled with passion, sentimentality, desire and possessiveness. On the contrary, it is an unconditional well-wishing or an openhearted nurturing of ourselves and others just as we are.
When practicing Metta it is encouraged that the meditation posture be an expression of the loving-kindness we have for ourselves. Inspired by this, I intended the retreat to be an expression of the loving-kindness I had for myself.
For six days I was in a cabin in the woods with no electricity, no running water, not a house or being in sight. On the first day a lot of fear came up – What if I freeze like a popsicle? What if I fall, how long until someone finds me? Just about when I thought I was going to have a panic attack, I remembered the Buddha taught Metta as an antidote to fear.
Thus began my diligent commitment to repeat my Metta phrases over and over:
May I be happy and healthy
May I be free from inner and outer suffering
May I be held in compassion
May I love and accept myself just as I am
In addition to seated formal meditation, I allowed myself to do other things not part of a traditional meditation retreat with the conditions that they brought me closer to connecting (instead of distracting) and that I did them with awareness. As a result, my days were spent yoga-ing, writing, taking walks in the woods, stoking the fire and preparing my meals.
The first two days were definitely challenging. From the third day until the end of the retreat I felt really connected with the Loving-Kindness practice, to nature, to the people who passed through my mind, to myself. I was loving it. By now it was easy, especially since I didn’t actually have to see or talk to anyone. On my last day a new fear popped up – How can I keep this feeling of connection and Loving-Kindness going in the city???
My guess: making “pockets of retreat” part of each day. Ideal for someone who wants to stay grounded and aware despite all the distractions of city life, as well as for those who are not ready for a full on meditation retreat or self-retreat in the woods. Here are some ideas inspired from my time at the cabin:
- Create three or four Loving-Kindness phrases of your own and repeat them whenever a negative thought enters your mind, or when you have some down time (e.g. walking to the car, waiting in line, etc.)
- Start your morning with some personal quiet time. Could be formal meditation, or simply drinking your morning coffee or tea in bed without the computer, smart phone, or newspaper.
- Limit your distractions by doing one thing at a time. For example, when brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth.
- Eat one meal a day in a quiet place, free from distracting conversations, loud music, things to read. Just as much as we listen to the voice that tells us we’re hungry, we need to respect the voice that tells us we’re full. If eating one whole meal quietly is not possible, then try part of a meal or snack.
- Take a few deep breaths of fresh air daily.
- Spend time in nature regularly. Depending on your circumstances, it could be daily or weekly, or something in between. It could be getting out of the city once a week, walks on our awesome mountain, or a stroll through a park.
In April 2011, Lonely Planet author Rose Mulready listed the 10 most beautiful places in the world to wake up in. Included in the list was Bali, Indonesia, writing:
