As I write this, I’m nearing the end of an impromptu six-week vacation. Impromptu because I was supposed to work abroad for two months. When those plans fell through three days before my departure, I found myself without an apartment nor a job for the summer, but in possession of a ticket to Greece. In an attempt to make lemonade out of lemons, I decided to take the time solely for myself.

Around the same time I learned that I could jump from Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Dog) to Bhaksana (Crow). Although it came somewhat as a surprise, I was trying to accomplish this for months by strengthening my center with jumping or “floating” exercises. As I felt my core getting stronger, I found myself feeling less and less afraid of attempting this jump, as well as many other poses. When I began practicing this sequence, I didn’t do so on the hardwood floors of most studios, but rather on the soft grass of Parc Jeanne-Mance (and then after the sandy beaches of Paros, Greece). I didn’t expect to succeed at it right away. On the contrary, I actually expected to fall many times beforehand. But to my surprise, the more I fell the less scared I became.

For those of you who read my last blog entry know that at the time of my departure I felt like I was lost in distractions. Although I didn’t know it, this trip couldn’t have come at a better, yet more confusing, time – a time when I was so afraid of loneliness yet desperately yearning for solitude. This trip is metaphorically equivalent to the process I undertook to jump from Adho Mukha Svanasana to Bakasana.

The time away allowed me to center myself after months of spending my attention and energy outwards. As I was searching for solitude, while unconsciously resisting the anticipation of loneliness, I finally understood why I wasn’t getting it despite wanting it so much. The difference, in my opinion, is in the perception of these two concepts. To put it simply, based on my experience, loneliness is being uncomfortable with being alone while solitude is being alone and embracing  it. But as I found out, there is a close enemy to solitude: being closed. When I first arrived in Read the rest of this post»

I feel like this post is very similar to SNL’s “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy”. Anyway, the nice thing about staying in one place for so long (vacation-wise at least) is that you can explore the surroundings. With that said, my favorite morning hangout in Greece was this cliff over the water with waves crashing below on some rocks. There was one large rock in particular that had a large crack in it. One morning I was lost in thought and observing the waves going in and out of the crack. I’ve been invited back to teach Yoga on the island next year for two months and with this in mind, I made a mental note to come back to see how big the crack will have gotten after a year of erosion from the water and wind. Maybe a little cliché but this observation lead to a thought about impermanence, I love how things that seem permanent or solid aren’t immune to change. This doesn’t just apply to landscape but also to physical traits, the longest friendships and relationships (even the short ones), and emotions (thankfully, sometimes). In every moment change is happening, both for the good and bad (but in my opinion, even the bad is good).

All this to say, instead of fighting the inevitability of change, let’s flow with it.

Even more evidence pointing towards distraction, of course, as long as we’re aware! Click the link below to watch a video about a 10-year study finding that break ups are like giving up a cocaine addiction.

Breaking Up is like giving up a cocaine addiction

Ram Dass describes the cycles of spiritual life in Be Here Now. It helped me feel better about the ups and downs I had been experiencing the past few months.

Practice is like a roller coaster. Each new high is usually followed by a new low. Understanding this, it makes it a bit easier to ride with both phases… There is in addition to the up-and-down cycles an in-and-out cycle. That is, there are stages at which you feel pulled into inner work and all you seek is a quiet place to meditate and get on with it, and there are times when you turn outward and seek to be involved in the marketplace. Both of these parts of the cycle are a part of one’s practice, for what happens to you in the marketplace helps you in the meditation, and what happens in your meditation helps you to participate in the marketplace without attachment… At first you will think of practice as a limited part of your life. In time you will realize that everything you do is part of your practice.

To read the original post “After Compassion… the Crutches”, click here.

As you know, mostly because I blogged about it in January, my four and a half year relationship had ended. It was both a significant and difficult time for me in which opening myslef completely to the experience helped me get through it. At the same time, I was compasionate with myself, giving my heart whatever it felt it needed. This included surrounding myself with good friends who gave off equally good vibes, watching tv shows and movies that warmed my heart (I’m a sucker for romantic-comedies), listening to feel-good music, and having the occasional drink or (organic dark) chocolate bar.

It’s hard to say when exactly, but at a certain point these treats stopped being compassionate and started being crutches, or distractions. Suddenly, the occasional drink became regular few-times-a-week drinks and I was unable to be without music, a movie, or the tv playing in the background. Any remaining pockets of loneliness were filled with friends and staying out so late that I’d come home just to sleep. Before I knew it, I was caught in a whirlwind of distractions that lasted months and I either didn’t know how, or was too afraid, to break free.

Lost, suffering, and mentally exhausted from all the distractions, I silently cursed myself for being so self-aware and longed for the days of “Ignorance is bliss.” That’s when I placed a call to good friend and amazing meditation teacher Pascal Auclair.

I explained to him all my suffering and expressed disappointment in myself for being where I was in my grieving process after so many months. I told him that instead of facing my fears, I distracted myself from them and they could no longer be ignored or avoided.

Pascal helped normalize my experience for me and the one thing I appreciate most that he told me was that I took care of myself as needed in the past and now that I’m emotionally stronger, a new layer of the grieving process is presenting itself. Read the rest of this post»

When on retreat and in life, the precept (code of ethics for lay followers) that I have the most difficulty with is refraining from false speech. (There are five basic training precepts that include refraining from: 1. Taking life/killing; 2. Taking what is not given; 3. Sexual misconduct; 4. False speech; 5. Taking intoxicants).

Right Speech, as it is referred to in Buddhism’s Eightfold Path, has many facets, the most obvious being lying, divisive, abusive, harsh, and unbeneficial speech. But it also includes more subtle forms such as timing, telling the truth affectionately and beneficially, and (the one I have the most trouble with) refraining from idle chatter.

In regards to the more subtle forms of Right Speech, we often get hooked through an explosion of memory and story-telling. Have you ever told a story over and over again, and with each repetition you felt more and more justified for your actions or feelings? Or worse yet, you’ve told your story to your friends and they justified for you your feelings and actions, no matter how unwholesome they were (“they” being your feelings and actions, not your friends)? All this to say, more often than not, we use our speech to justify our own anger, self-importance, our desire for fame or recognition, to deceive, to blame, to divide, to gossip.

Going back to idle chatter (sigh), it’s easy to get lost especially if your speech isn’t divisive or harmful, has good timing and complies with all the other Right Speech criteria. For those of you that know me know that I’m pretty much an open book. But after getting playfully scolded by a Read the rest of this post»

I had a thought the other day – I am officially a cryer. I have the urge to cry (and often times I actually do) for sad things, happy things, things that happen in my life, my friends’ life, or just in the world. For those who have met me in the past couple years, this may not seem like a surprise, but for those from way back when know that I would go long periods without crying, perhaps even years. At that point in time, I used to pride myself of the fact, but now being more open, and hence, a cryer, I realize that it was not something to be proud of. Not in any judgmental way, but rather because I realized that all that time, I was numb to the experiences of my life.

I can thank several factors for this, but namely my deepened Yoga and Meditation practice (and of course, my mentor’s obsession with intense backbends). As anyone who has embarked on this path can attest, it is a long and difficult process, but well worth it (and even that is a huge understatement). As Jack Kornfield says in his book A Path with Heart, “It is the place of feeling that binds or frees us.” He goes on to say that feelings control most of our inner life, yet we are unconscious of them. As a result, we have adapted a style of contraction and suppression in regards to our feelings. Unfortunately, “showing emotions” is not seemly for a man, and only certain emotions are allowed for women.

Some people might actually prefer not being in touch with their feelings, especially the negative ones. But as any Mind-Body worker can tell you, feelings get retained as memory – not just in the brain but all the way down to the cellular level. Repressed trauma caused by overwhelming emotion can be stored in a body part, affecting our ability to feel that part, or in more serious cases, even move it.

One important point often brushed off as untrue is that all honest emotions, regardless if they are perceived as positive or negative by societal standards, are positive emotions. We need anger to define boundaries, grief to deal with our losses, and fear to protect Read the rest of this post»

Imagine that you want to break open a coconut. Whether you break it open by lovingly knocking it over your knee, or with one forceful swipe of a machete, either way you look at it, the coconut is broken; the coconut is open. This is how my heart feels after my relationship of four and a half years ended not two weeks ago. Before you offer pity, pass judgment, cast blame, please don’t. Luckily, it ended with love, care, and respect. It was a beautiful relationship with a beautiful ending. This blog post is not to talk about and analyze the relationship, but rather to share my experience of moving through this difficult time with a broken, and open, heart.

(Writer’s note: By “open”, I don’t mean “Open for Business”, so please, no “nudge nudge wink wink”s.)

Some of you may be saying to yourself, “What a way to start the month of love – talking about losing it!” This post is, by no means, meant to put a damper on the sea of red presently in pharmacies, department stores, book stores, and Hallmark shops that you may adore. Really, I feel like it’s appropriate… Yes, some may consider February to be the month of love, so what better time to open yourself to the love around you?

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With each New Year usually comes New Year’s Resolutions – a noteworthy concept but so rarely do they become a permanent change in our lives, which can lead to feelings of anger or disappointment. Why not try something new and different this year (or decade, for that matter!)? Resolve to Evolve – and trade in your goals for an intention.

Resolutions are great because they help provide us with a direction, but unfortunately, they’re a future objective. By definition, the very word “future” shows how they are not grounded in the present moment. With that being said, what happens if your resolution doesn’t pan out? Disappointment, confusion, or anger usually set in and without the proper tools, we are left with nothing to regain our mental footing. Read the rest of this post»

Check out this article which lists the benefits of Yoga for children. Written by a dear student (Sarah Lolley) who had the chance to interview a great friend of mine, Yoga for Kids specialist, Jennifer Mallin (zenwithjenn.com).
Read the rest of this post»