This has been an emotional week for me for a couple reasons: a 10-day intense backbending workshop (known to increase sensitivity) and the untimely death of Michael Jackson. It seems out of place even for me to be hurt by MJ’s passing, since I was not a real fan of his. Although I loved his music and greatly appreciated his contribution to entertainment, it did not extend beyond that.After his death there was an outpouring of emotion that seemed somewhat hypocritical to me, as I’m sure for others as well. For over a decade he was judged and ridiculed incessantly. But as soon as he died, all the judgments ever written about him seemed to slip from everyone’s memory, showing us that we didn’t know a good thing until it was gone.
About a week or so after his unfortunate death, I felt compelled to make my own opinion of MJ. I wasn’t so much interested in “Michael Jackson, the entertainer”, because I had no doubts there. I was more interested in “Michael Jackson, the brother, the son, the father”. I became almost obsessed watching interview upon interview, and hours of his home videos.
What angers me when it comes to MJ’s situation is that he was trying to get us to stop focusing on his life, his image and the choices he made. He tried to shift our attention to bigger issues that deserved real attention through some of his songs and videos. We were so busy judging him by what society deems to be “normal”, comparing him to our “cookie cutter” lives and expectations. But if someone lead a life that did not resemble most of ours in the least, how can he be judged by our standards?
I’m not going to bother stating my final opinion here because I think it’s irrelevant. But this whole thing helped me make a priority of something I already knew, albeit vaguely: the importance of non-judgment. If there is one thing I know for sure after 28 years of life is that we have all been victims of judgment at least once in our lives, whether it be dating back to elementary or high school. Often times though, we have been the instigators of judgment, which is a defense mechanism to hide fear or pain in my opinion, but nonetheless.
Swami Kripalu, a pilgrim of love, has said, “When you judge yourself, you break your own heart.” Given this, imagine what you are doing to someone else as you judge them. Judgment is like throwing a hot coal at someone – in order to throw it, you have to pick it up first, thus burning, or hurting, yourself before even trying to hurt the other person.
What often gets left out when we’re judging others is being able to sympathize. I truly believe everyone tries their best. It is hard to remember when we feel threatened or hurt, but it’s true. And even if someone doesn’t seem like they’re trying their best, they are trying their best given their circumstances. This last view is even harder to see, but not impossible. Another saying, this time from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince: “Eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart. What’s most important is invisible.” Basically, all this to say, let’s not judge – ourselves, and especially others. Sensitivity and courage are relative.
What you think would make you stronger could in turn bruise another emotionally. I’m not asking you to be increasingly sarcastic or start lying to yourselves. I’m asking you to see with your heart. One example I like to give is if you see someone on the street wearing something you would not be caught dead in, refrain from saying (whether in your mind or out loud), “What are they wearing???” We don’t know what is going on in someone’s life, nor what they’ve been through. Perhaps they don’t have enough money to buy clothes and that’s all they have. Or they could just like it, in which case you can say “People express their personalities in such vibrant ways”.
There are many, many layers of non-judgment. You can begin by not gossiping in groups of people. You can then cut down the amount of time you spend talking about others not in your presence. It doesn’t matter if you would say the same thing in front of them. The fact of the matter is they aren’t there to give their own side of the story. From there, there are more layers of non-judgment. Get creative. No matter how small, each effort adds up
to something bigger, and ultimately, better.
to something bigger, and ultimately, better.
So yes, this is a daunting demand, but very do-able. I am far from being the poster child for non-judgment. But the essence of any spiritual practice is the willingness to start over and over again, until it becomes habit. As Michael Jackson sang: “There are people dying/ If you care enough for the living/Make a better place/For you and for me.”
